What do I want to feel during this conversation?
Intentional Conversations and Feelings
What do I want to feel during this conversation?
I LOVE this as a question.
There is so much implied in the question ‘What do I want to feel during this conversation?’
- That we have the right to ask ourselves before we even begin – what do I want to feel during this or any conversation? Because we can determine our feelings before the conversation begins.
- We can set the intention for an outcome despite the other person.
- Included also is a consideration closest to my heart which is… we always have a choice about what we feel.
Here is an example.
Your Boss looks at your work and gives you zero feedback. This makes you stressed as you believe ‘no feedback’ means your work isn’t good enough. Your dream job starts to feel more like a nightmare.
Your Boss, on the other hand, only comments on work that needs to be corrected or doesn’t achieve its objectives. No feedback is their form of praise!
Of course, we could make all kinds of comments on this as a response style for your Boss but actually that’s irrelevant.
You are reliant on feedback to feel OK.
You are reliant on feedback to feel OK. Your conversational starting point is you expect and need feedback. You are setting yourself up to be emotionally vulnerable as your outcome is based on their response. You have handed your control over to the other.
If we use the question ‘how do I want to feel during this conversation’ before we even begin, we take back control. For example, you could choose to feel curious about their response. When there is no feedback you could choose to be curious as to why. You could then satisfy that curiosity and ask a question about how or even if they give feedback so you have clarity. When you have clarity you are no longer dependent on them to feel ok.
Curiosity about the other as opposed to dependence on the other is a powerful place to be in any conversation.
There are further examples of how we can choose to see things differently in my book ‘Stress Made Easy – Peeling Women off the Ceiling’. Or you can choose to work through a program at your own pace to look at this concept and many others here.
Dr Linda Wilson is a Mindflow Mentor, Author and Presenter. From neuroscience to energy psychology, habits change to emotional management – let’s have a chat about you, your team or your business. Are you looking to find your way through, around or over something? Are you in need of a course correction and need support.
Find out more about me at www.drlindawilson.com
Purchase my book here
Purchase my online Stress Made Easy Bootcamp here
Book in with me here
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